Wait.. your going on a mission??

Well everyone YES I am going on a mission!! I wanted to write down my experience and decision to serve; first I want to start off by saying The Lord works in Mysterious ways! :) Second.. sorry this is so long!! but i promise it a pretty good story!

When I first had the thought of going on a mission I wasn’t spiritually ready or emotionally ready, I was in school and working full time job! Definitely not in a place that I could leave for 18 months! The age change just happened and I thought that was cool but I tossed aside the thought and said.. Yea.. A mission isn't for me I just don’t think I could do that, and I went on doing whatever I did.. A little while later I had multiple friends leaving on missions and giving their farewell talks.. And again the thought of going on a mission came back to mind. I was frustrated and didn’t know why I kept having this thought… and I rejected the feeling so fast.. I would come up with excuse after excuse to validate to myself that this isn't for me, I basically told heavenly father I don’t want to go!

And then... I stopped having the thought of going and I was so relieved! I was almost done with school (side note I was going to beauty school) and I really wanted to get out of school as fast as I could so I was going extra to get done sooner, I just got a new job working with my mom.. Everything was going great! but I wanted something more.. So I decided I wanted to move out!! So I found a place with 5 other girls and I moved!

One of my roommates was preparing to serve a mission, she talked to me about her decision to serve and she had such a strong desire to serve and hearing her story of why made me just think.. I don’t have a story of why I should serve.. I didn’t really have a strong desire.. I was pretty content with my life as it was! I was about to graduate from beauty school I wanted to find a job at a salon and start building my clientele.  So I did just that I graduated early.. I ended up finding a really nice salon to work at part time.. it was a brand new salon and I was going to build with them and my best friend was working with me and I was loving everything.. Around this time at my apartment complex a group of 6 guys moved on the other side of our kitchen wall! My roommate and I hung out with them literally every day this was about July of 2014 and we had the best of times, we were one big happy family! :) They are some of the best guys I know and they have impacted my life in so many ways and I don’t even know if they realize how much their influence has brought me to where I am right now..  Anyways.. They were all returned missionaries they talked about their mission ALL the time.. And when I say ALL the time.. I MEAN ALL THE TIME!!  But it was cool to hear their stories and hear how the mission impacted their life’s! We would have Sunday evening devotionals at their house.. and I remember one Sunday night during the devotional.. I don’t remember what we( when I say we I mean the guys, I was just listening) were talking about.. but all I can remember was.. having such a hard time, I didn’t feel comfortable, I was kind of in a way having a small panic attack.. so I ran out of their apartment! And my immediate thought was.. how can I preach this gospel when I don’t feel like I know it well enough.. and then one of the guys came out and we went for a walk and just talked! I don’t really remember what I told him but I do remember him talking to me about him and his decision to serve and I was so grateful for him that night because he didn’t know and probably still doesn’t know that I needed to hear what he had told me at the specific time!

So later me and my roommate would always have “girl talk” we got so close she is one of my best friends and she as well has helped me get to this point in my life and I don’t know if she realizes it either! But we talked about missions and I told her about my struggles and thoughts I have had.. and she told me she had the same thing and she actually started papers but didn’t feel it was right.. so I was so thankful to have her because I knew she could relate with me and how I was feeling! And of course hearing the guys stories and talking with her that brought up some thoughts again of serving.. And inside I was like NOOO not again.. I can’t! There is no way I can leave for 18 months! Leave family, friends.. I just started in this salon, I am almost 22 I know that isn't old but in my head serving with 19 year old's when I am 22 kinda stressed me out!  there is NO WAY!!  :( So I pleaded heavenly father to help me to help me be able to serve here.. so of course he answered my prayers.. I got called to be in my YSA wards relief society presidency! And I was so excited!! I knew this was right and I knew that this will help me, I was scared because I didn’t know anyone I had only been in the ward for like 3 weeks! But I was ready and excited to serve the sisters in my Singles ward! So I did just that I put so much into that and to help my presidency and the sister and I was loving every bit of it! I started teaching and at first I hated it but I grew to love it!

Then one of my other roommates was talking to me about her going to Thailand on a service trip with weber state! And I immediately wanted to go!! So did everything I could to get everything set for me to go! And I was so happy I think there are so many different types of missions, and this is something I could do! This could be my way of serving! I was so stoked!  I was also having a thought come to mind.. of Going through the temple and was like nahh that’s crazy.. I am not going on a mission.. I am Definitely not getting married anytime soon. I decided fine I will talk to my parents about it.. I am sure they will tell me no! I am to young I am not ready for that! So I talked to my parents and what did they say….. “we think that is a great Idea.. we will support you 100% we think you are ready and if this is what you want then do it”.. I about died!! You have to be kidding!! my parents was supposed to tell me NO! What am I supposed to do now?? I knew I needed to talk to my bishop.. so I scheduled an appointment to talk to him.. and then I canceled it the day before.. I was scared.. I didn’t know if I was ready for that.. around this time as well my salon that I was working at ended up closing down! So I wasn’t working in salon anymore.. :( So I prayed and really asked heavenly father.. why?? Why do you want me to go through the temple.. nothing is going to plan right now.. why should I do this! And I kept getting.. Kaeslyn just go.. Trust in me and go! So I made another appointment with the Bishop.. And I went.. I was scared that he would tell me no.. because then I would doubt everything.. so I told my bishop what I was feeling… and this is what he said to me.. ”when I saw that you wanted to meet with me.. I didn’t know why. But driving here today I had a feeling that you wanted to talk about going through the temple..”  When he said that.. every fear.. every doubt.. every nervousness.. all my weight lifted off my shoulders! Heavenly Father knows that this is what I need!! I have been asking for help and answer and he has given me so many answers I just wasn’t listening and that moment I knew this is something I needed!! But my bishop wanted me to meet with the stake president to make sure that he thinks I am ready for this. so I met with the Stake president and me and him had one of the best chats I have ever had with anyone! He made me feel so special!! He told me I have no doubt that you are ready to go through the temple! I was so excited! I didn’t want anything more and I knew that this is what I needed to do! I started the process and went through a few weeks later! I had never been more sure of anything than my decision to receive my own endowments! It was such a great feeling entering his house!

So after going through the temple and was getting stuff ready to go to Thailand! A few weeks later I had the thought again.. you need to go on a mission! And I just remember sitting in my closet.. Crying.. I read my patriarchal blessing and I think I knew in my heart that I needed to serve.. but I was just to suborn to actually do anything about it.. leaving TERRIFIED me!!  And I just cried and prayed and cried some more.. then one of my roommates walked in my room (the one I was going to Thailand with) and we just talked and she just listened! She told me about her sister (who is on a mission right now) and the fact she also had a hard time deciding to serve! I told her I was just frustrated because I really wanted to go to Thailand and I thought that could be my way of serving! I am so grateful for her and her willingness to listen and be there for me.. she told me that I should go talk to my parents. So I left and went and talked to my parents.. They could tell something was wrong.. And I just told them everything and my mom and dad said well.. “I think you should still go to Thailand. That is going to be such a good opportunity for you to learn and see what service is really about and after you come back if you still feel like you should go.. Then we will figure it out then! But for now get ready for Thailand!”

So of course I did just that! I went to Thailand!! And I had such an amazing experience! I loved every second of it! I could make a whole new blog just on my experiences in Thailand! But one thing I learned was how much joy I experienced serving the people! And seeing the happiness in their eyes! I am so glad I went on that trip I learned so much! The people are so kind and loving!! While I was there I never really thought about a mission and when I came back I was so excited I wanted to get back and continue serving in my relief society presidency! And I wanted to go back to school and get a degree and join the service team at Weber State and wanted to find a salon and build my clientele! So I was stoked to get back.. Mission wasn’t even on my mind!

So I came back.. The first Sunday I was home.. I got released from my calling!! SERIOUSLY?!? I was devastated.. heart broken.. I got called as the FHE Chairman (women).. I was so frustrated.. How can I serve people in FHE? All I wanted to do Heavenly father was serve the sisters in my ward.. How can you take that away from me?? I cried to the relief society president and then the bishop saw me crying and I talked with him and he told me that I can serve no matter where I am at, that this is where the lord needs me right now..  (You would think I would have learned by now that it will never go the way I want it to go!) So I realized that the lord needed me in this calling for a reason I didn’t know why yet. And then I started signing up for classes and the classes I needed to have been either full or didn’t work with my work schedule. Then I tried calling the guy that is in charge of the service team and he wasn’t getting back to me.. I was getting frustrated.. Why isn't he getting back to me!!  I felt like everything underneath me was crumbling and I was so mad!!

So was about ready to give up on throw in the towel! Then I saw one of my really good friends and I was telling her about Thailand and everything and she was talk to me about her going to the Dominican Republic to go on a humanitarian trip and I was so excited for her!!! Then she said.. “AND I AM THINKING I WANT TO SERVE A MISSION AFTER I GET BACK”…. My heart dropped.. My Mind was thinking a million different things.. That was the first time a mission was brought up after being home for about a week or so. And I KNEW I need to go.. I was scared and terrified.. we talked about a mission and I told her about everything! And she said something to me that Changed EVERYTHING! She said.. ”a year and half is nothing compared to eternity.. everything you are scared of(being older(22), leaving a job, me not being able to build my clientele) are all worldly things, you need to think for eternity!!" that night I said out loud.. “I think I need to go on a mission..” so the next day was Sunday.. I texted my mom..  told her I think I want to think more seriously about serving  a mission”  and guess what she replied back.. “Yea I was thinking the same thing.. one of the elders in sacrament talked about missionary work.. and I kept having a thought that I needed to help you prepare for  a mission..” at this point I just laughed and knew that heavenly father wasn’t going to let me push him away this time that right now is the time and that I am ready! So I went home for dinner that night and my mom was like so.. guess who called me today.. and I say who? And she said grandma.. she asked if you were going on a mission? And I was shocked and was like what?? How did she even know?? I haven’t told anyone!! And my mom said she had the same feeling that you need to go.

So that Tuesday I talked to my bishop about it! and I told him all my concerns and fears and he told me that I need to go to the temple and talk to my father in heaven about this decision! so the next day I fasted all day and after work I was on my way to the temple and I was listening to a song I have heard a thousand times.. it is a song from the Ten Virgins Play.. but the song is about “ how we can light our candle to light up the way for others.. and that we can give them that hope.. and that we are no strangers to grief or pain that we need to help others to light their candle. And my favorite line.. “I want share the hope and peace I found with you” I have never in my life really have a song Speak to me before.. yea i have heard songs that like kinda apply to my life and what is happening.. but NOTHING like this!! and when the song ended I was parking in the temple parking lot! it was all like a dream! pretty epic not going to lie!! 

I had such an amazing experience in the temple! I was so at peace and I knew that someone was praying for me to share the hope and peace that I have found through my Heavenly Father!  I can’t deny that fact that this is what I am supposed to do! Heavenly Father knew that this process for me was going to be hard!! But he never gave up! I have never felt so much love from someone than from my father in heaven!

oohhh then the next day.. guess who ends up calling me back? The Guy for the service team! After i decided i am doing this!! REALLY Doing this!! Man.. Satan really likes to mess with you! Don't worry i told the guy Thanks but No Thanks!! :) It still hasnt been easy since i decided i was going to serve.. Satan has been trying so hard to stop me! but i wont let him i love Heavenly Father way to much!

I am now going to be serving In The Osorno Chile Mission leaving Nov 4^th! Looking back I don’t think I would have changed anything about my experiences and me eventually realizing I needed to serve!! The Lord works in Mysterious way! But i know Heavenly Father has a plan for me and even though it took me awhile to realize it and to accept it, I am putting my trust in him! I know that i needed to learn so many lesson before i went on my mission i needed to gain those friendship with those people who impacted my life so greatly! Everything happens for a reason and this is the pathway that will lead me to eternal happiness! I know in my heart that this is what I need to be doing and where i need to go!! and i couldn't be more excited, or nervous and READY for this New Chapter to learn and grow and teach this wonderful perfect gospel to the people that me and Heavenly Father and Christ love so much!!

 

Thank you for reading.. I'm glad you made it to the end!!  :)